HOW TO STAY SANE WHILE WEDDING PLANNING?
Recently, I have been tasked by the wonderful Beth from Tie the Knot Scotland Magazine to join her on stage of The Scottish Wedding Show in Glasgow on 19th and 20th February which attracted a whopping 9,719 attendees over the two days and answer some of the trickier wedding planning questions in an interview.
In today’s blog, I share with you the questions posed to me during the interview and the answers I have given to help you navigate your way around the challenges of wedding planning especially when family politics, traditions and the topic of money comes into play.
Want to find out more? You’ll need to check out the below paragraphs.
Blog by OSKAR GILCHRIST-GRODNICKI
If we haven’t met before - I’m Oskar and I’ve been involved in the wedding industry since 2009!
After 13+ years in the industry, I have run, delivered and planned over 600 weddings in my career and received 5 industry awards for excellence in my work.
Nowadays, I plan weddings in Scotland, UK, conduct legally-binding Humanist ceremonies, consult and coach wedding businesses internationally and in my spare time, I blog about all things weddings and feature as an industry speaker.
Most recently, I also partner with my husband George behind Edinburgh Wedding Directory - simply because we’re married to the job too! :)
Hit the chatbox option if you would like to talk some more today!
1. How to ask for wedding finance support from your family?
You don’t want to seem rude or ungrateful, so do your research, set a budget and then ask parents if they would be willing to contribute to it.
Not sure how to set a budget - chatbox messages me today! I have some templates for you!
2. How to involve your family in wedding planning and avoid misunderstandings? Including allocating roles in bridal party etc. and how to avoid disappointment e.g. if a would-be ‘bridesmaid’ doesn’t end up getting asked to be one?
Sit down and decide how many members of the wedding party you would ideally like to have, not just aspiration but realistic budget for outfits, hair and makeup, cars, accommodation, etc.
Additionally, having too many people involved can also carry its challenges – it is definitely something to be mindful of.
If you foresee some of the guests getting disappointed for not being given the Bridesmaid title, Best Man, etc. consider involving them in other parts of the day that won’t have as much impact on your plan such as ushering to ceremony seats, ceremony symbolic gestures, readings, reading out cards as part of the speeches, doing MC-ing duties for speeches, announcements and cake cutting/first dance.
Secondly, don’t assume everyone has the same ideas or expectations. Again, do your research, set a vision, mood-boards, budgets and outline what you’re hoping for in your wedding plan. Then communicate your vision, plans and choices to those who want to help you and assign specific roles if you want to avoid disappointment.
Would you have handled this otherwise, let us know in the comments below.
3. How to communicate children-free wedding?
Let your guests know from the get-go including Save the Dates, so that your guests can make alternative arrangements early.
Don’t beat about the bush and be consistent if only family children are coming,
If budget, space or limited changing facilities come into play, be honest about these, your guests will appreciate knowing this in advance.
Nevertheless, if for any reason you still receive an RSVP with children on it, don’t act on emotion, relax and phone them, over the phone conversations will deflate the emotions.
What’s your opinion children at weddings or not? Let me know in the comments below.
4. How to request cash instead of presents?
Using cash registry website can help you with that and be specific why you’re asking for cash and how you’re going to use it - honeymoon, house deposit, house improvements, etc.
Example: “The most important thing to us is that you are able to celebrate with us on our wedding day. However, if you wish to give a gift, we will gratefully accept a small contribution towards our honeymoon.”
Example: “We are extremely lucky to have love, laughter and house full of furniture, so if you'd like to help us celebrate with a gift, we've set up a honeymoon fund at…”
Now that’s a hot topic - how would you approach it? Chatbox message me today if you’re still not sure how to go about it!
5. How to tell someone who expected an invitation that they are not invited i.e. plus one’s?
My advice is not to put it off and thank them for reaching out and offer them honestly – whether that’s budget constraint, venue size, keeping the wedding to absolute minimum as funding the wedding yourselves – they’ll appreciate your honesty and appreciate your instant response.
On the other hand, if it’s a distant family member, speak to your parents, they might be able to help defuse the situation.
Will you be inviting plus one’s? Let us know in the comments below.
6. How to approach doing the wedding seating plan? E.g. family politics/divorced relatives at play etc.
Do it visually and don’t leave it off!
Statistically, your numbers will only drop by a maximum of 10% (give or take) from your initial guest list to RSVPs, so why would you hold off until the last minute when you’ll have so much more to work out and confirm in the final months before the wedding?
Ask your venue for samples of table layout in the room and have these printed on large paper or simply use A4 sheet per table in that same layout.
Colour coordinated tabs will help you to organise your guests into groups - top table / immediate family / distant family / friends / colleagues, etc. and play about with it, there are no wrong answers!
Having it laid out visually in front of you, will make it real and a lot easier to navigate as you can always peel and move the tabs as necessary.
Are you going to wait with your table planning until RSVPs - knowing how much planning goes into it? Give me Y for Yes and N for No in the comments.
7. How to avoid clashing over traditions with family?
Always relate back to their experience of wedding planning! Ask them how it made them feel when traditions were being forced on them while wedding planning! You’ll see the change instantly!
On the other hand, if your family are contributing to the wedding, remember to be empathetic and open to compromise, yet remind them politely that this is your wedding and why you believe so strongly about something.
Have you ever felt pressured to follow traditions? Chatbox messages me today if you need help navigating this sensitive subject.
8. How to avoid others influencing your decision?
Set boundaries from the beginning and explain your expectations and why it is so important to you!
Again, don’t act on emotion and be sympathetic, for example: “I’ve dreamed of this day my entire life and there are certain things I really want to do myself.”
Another example: “I appreciate everything you are doing, and what would really be helpful is if you took care of this thing. The rest is something that I want to do.”
Would you now assign specific and defined roles to your wedding party to avoid disappointment? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
9. How to compromise with your significant other half on the big decisions?
Ensure you take time to research your expectations before you start making decisions and lay them out to one another.
Creating a common wedding email address will help you to ensure you both have got the access to it and can be involved in all conversations.
If you start feeling heated about something, step back from it and review later. Don’t ever make rushed decision on an emotion! Setting “wedmin” days/times when all you do is concentrate on wedding decision making, will help you be more focused and less frantic, therefore distracted.
Finally, why not celebrate big decisions with a drink you both enjoy – wouldn’t that be lovely? Wedding planning has its challenges, so why not treat each other in the process for the challenges you overcome together!
Have you had any other ideas on how to come to an agreement when wedding planning? Let us know in the comments.
Have you found this wedding planning blog post useful?
